Going through the motions...

You know how you have those moments in life where you feel like you're going through the motions, doing the things that you need to do, but you're almost outside of yourself, you aren't really experiencing anything and everything seems like it's just passing you by??

That's how the last few weeks have felt.

I know we're busy, in fact we have almost every day chalked so full of appointments and some semblance of normalcy that we barely have time to breathe, but I'm left feeling empty. Like I'm not even playing an active roll in my own life anymore. And what's more frustrating, is that there's no end in sight.

I keep telling myself that we can make this work - we can schedule all of our therapist appointments on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays so that Mondays and Fridays will be left wide open so we can attend play dates and participate in fun activities like a normal family... but inevitably, we end up scheduling additional specialists on those days and boom we have 5 days of appointments scheduled before I know it again.

What's escaped me to this point is finding a balance.

It's my job to make sure that my kids can relax and just be kids a few days a week, but I also know we need to fit these appointments in to give Xander every early intervention opportunity available so he can reach his full potential. And so far those two objectives haven't been able to coexist and I'm not sure how I can make it happen either. Then, to top it all off, I've been so worn out and exhausted with everything that I'm starting to lose my temper with both Nic and the kids and become a person I barely recognize!!

It's funny, because as I'm writing this and beginning to process it all, I'm starting to realize how desperately I need to make a change now, before this becomes a pattern.

I'm not sure at this point how it's going to fall into place or what it will look like, maybe if I start with myself and concentrating on what I need first, then I'll have more energy to apply towards everything else that needs attention.

So, I'm going to make a pledge to myself and all of you, that this week I'm going to focus on myself. I'll do some form of exercise for at least 30 minutes everyday, eat healthy meals and snacks, and take a bath before bed, right after the kids go down every night so that I can have some time to relax, unwind, and catch-up on my sleep.

Hopefully by next week, I'll be feeling more like my old self with energy to spare and I'll be in a better position to tackle the rest of my to-do list!!

Wish me luck and I'll see you all next week!