Round 3

"All aboard for round 3"

I should have seen it coming, maybe then it would lose some of its shock value. But I didn't. I figured we had paid our dues in a way, but the cards are yet again, stacked against us from the beginning. It seems that we are now on round 3 for babies who require specialists from birth and round 2 for clefts.

I'm 20 weeks with baby 3 and Friday was our "gender" ultrasound. We've chosen to not find out the sex of this baby, but the ultrasound did reveal that we will be having another child with a cleft. I wish that I knew more at this time, but that's really all the information we have until we see the specialists in Sacramento sometime in the coming weeks.

I'm just writing to ask that you keep us in your prayers. Hopefully it will be nothing more than an isolated, cosmetic issue like Cole's was, but there's always that fear with a cleft that it's related to a larger syndrome, which we may not know until birth.

While processing this during the last few days and going through, yet again my short grief period of losing that "perfect" baby we all hope for, I will say that I've found my peace. As I stated before, this baby will be perfect for us, regardless of his or her needs or challenges.

I'm also lucky that I don't have to worry about all those things I remember fearing with Cole. I know that my baby will be beautiful, cleft or not, and I won't have a problem loving them for who they are. In fact, I'll probably be upset after the cleft repair surgery when they bring my baby back to me and he or she no longer looks like the child I've fallen in love with.

For those parents who've never experienced a cleft repair or a surgery that alter's your child's appearance, it may seem hard to grasp, but it's difficult to hand over your "perfect" baby to doctors who will return him or her looking different, in pain, and unable to show you that huge smile you've grown to love.

I know it won't be easy and the next few months will have their moments of difficulty. But I take solace in the knowledge that we've been there and done that - I already know the drill. I know the surgeons, I know the hospitals - heck we were just in that same waiting room 2 weeks ago - they should engrave our name on one of the benches!

But all joking aside, we are in good spirits and can only look forward to another child who will bless our family with their uniqueness.