Journey

Our lives are journeys and as much as we want to be able to plan for and anticipate the future, it doesn't matter who we are or where we think we're headed, life changes us. It forces us to deviate from the path. Maybe not a long detour and sometimes it might even end up being a short-cut that you stumble upon, but none of us ever get to our destinations without hitting a few bumps in the road.

Maybe that's where I am right now. Stuck in a snowdrift. I keep spinning my wheels and digging in deeper, but I know eventually, even if I can't dig myself out, spring is just around the corner and the snow will melt with time. 

When that happens, the road might not look the same as it did before, but it's still headed towards happiness. Although it might be muddy and wet, if I look closely, I'm certain to see all the buds on the trees and the beauty that is about to open and reveal itself in the fresh, new sunlight.

~Jami

There is the writer in me. Sorry - felt like I just needed to sum up my day! 

After my post yesterday, the response has been overwhelming and I want to thank all of my family and friends for being so supportive and helpful during this trying time. 

But the response also made me question my motives. Why did I choose to share the blog and link it to facebook? Had I not chosen to link it I could have still poured out my heart and gotten things off my chest, but without most of you ever knowing it was here. In contemplating this answer I knew right away it wasn't for attention and it certainly wasn't for pity. That's the last thing we need right now - it just makes me feel incapable and inadequate to do my job as a mother. 

Then it hit me. I think the answer is fear. Fear of so many things, but mostly fear of losing myself in this journey. Fear of becoming "that mom" that people stop wanting to run into at the park or talk with at the store because all she has to discuss is her never-ending sob story. 

I think my hope and motivation with this blog is not only to process my journey, but also to share our struggles and milestones with friends and family who want to hear about it. Hopefully, through doing this, it won't consume me and the short "mom breaks" we all have to ask one another how they are doing before we run off after our crazy toddler or have to excuse ourselves to change another diaper won't repeatedly turn into stories of doctor appointments and test results. 

So, read as often as you want and keep up to speed with our journey if you choose. It's up to you. For me - this is going to be an outlet for anything I might be feeling - happy or sad - because I know there will be good days and there will be really shitty ones too, and that's ok. But my goal through all this is not to lose myself. To maintain my energy for life and optimistic outlook on the world. 

And most of all, not become "that mom" everyone wants to avoid.