I always find it funny when people claim that they don't judge others or you hear those sayings "Don't be quick to judge." Well, guess what - we all make thousands of split second decisions about one another within the first 30 seconds of meeting. And, the biggest shocker - THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT!
That's right - I said it. There is nothing wrong with judging one another. In fact it is imperative to do so for your own well-being and the well-being of those around you. It is when we don't provide education to our children about overcoming those initial judgments and stereotypes that ignorance prevails.
But, education leaves a fine line to tread. Although you don't want your children treating others with disrespect, you also don't want them afraid to judge.
In elementary school, I lived in a fairly isolated farm house on a road with very little traffic. We didn't have any neighbors within sight and our driveway was arguably long. There was no clear line of site to the road from our front door, as our unattached garage obstructed the view. Luckily, for my parents, I was the middle of 3 children and we were each just a year apart in age. Meaning that we looked out for one another and being from a small town, there never seemed to be much of a reason for concern anyways.
One morning, that to this day stands out in my memory, I was the first out the door and headed down the driveway to the bus stop. Spring was in the air and I was anxious just to be outside and enjoy the fresh air before the bus arrived. As I was waiting, a truck that I didn't recognize drove by. Initially I didn't think much of it, because there were often some random people that drove down our road after they missed the turn at the intersection of the two main highways just a quarter mile away.
When I became concerned is when the truck returned, driving very slowly, and stopped right by my mailbox. Positioning itself between myself and the driveway leading to my house. Although my initial instinct was to run, I didn't. Looking back, I distinctly remember being afraid of looking ridiculous to this stranger and placing unwarranted judgement upon someone who didn't deserve it.
After the truck approached, the man rolled down his passenger side window and appeared to be asking me a question, however his voice was very soft and quite. Knowing that something didn't feel right, I held my ground, refusing to move closer to the truck and asking him in a loud voice to repeat himself. He again, seemed to say something, but not very loudly, trying to get me to approach the truck so I could better hear him. At about that time, I noticed my brother rounding the garage and heading down the driveway. My mother was standing on the far end of the deck that wrapped the house, hands on her hips, watching the truck. That's when the man followed my gaze, realized he had been spotted, and sped off.
I spent that morning making a statement to two local police officers instead of riding the bus to school. The man that I had encountered was feared to be the same who had abducted another girl in the area just two weeks prior to the incident.
What I learned from that situation, which I will always carry with me, is that it is OK to make judgments and it's important to teach our children that when there is a perceived threat to themselves or others that it's acceptable to act. There is no reason they should feel guilty or bad about casting a negative light on another individual if the situation warrants.
That's why I get angry when people classify all types of judgments into one category and encourage kids and adults to steer clear of them.
In fact, there was some internet story circulating a while back that really caught my attention. If I remember right it was about a man, walking down the sidewalk and several people were being criticized for crossing the street to avoid him based upon his appearance. Well, I'm sorry, but if a man or maybe even a threatening looking woman, no matter race or size, is walking down a deserted street towards me, I sure as hell am not going to walk within arms distance of them if it can be avoided. I think that it's important to put your safety ahead of your vanity. And, yes, I may be making a harsh, split second decision that in all honesty, I hope isn't correct, but I would rather be safe, even if I might briefly offend the harmless person on the sidewalk.
So, I encourage you all to educate your kids. Educate them that there are different types of judgments and not all types are bad. But, if the situation allows, getting to know others that might be different from them and learning that although the child next to them in class or passing them in the hallway might not communicate in the same fashion that they do, it doesn't mean they don't deserve a chance to be heard and understood.
I have seen so many references to and negative reactions towards making judgments in this world of special needs children over the last year that I felt it was important to explore the subject myself. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to share my opinion on the subject. And please, educate your children that not all judgments are correct, but there are also situations in which they are not to be ignored.
Finally, take the time to learn about someone different from yourself. What they will teach you might just be one of the most fulfilling and rewarding experiences of your life.
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